just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
