I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
