My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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