Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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