i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
