my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
