Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
