yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
