just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
