thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
