Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
