Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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