dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
