I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
