I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
