well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
