So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
