let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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