New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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