yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize