I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
