on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
