i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
