I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she smelled like a LAN party
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
