Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
