Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
