I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
