I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize