she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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