worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize