the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
