I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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