I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
