I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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