I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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