some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
