I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
