So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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