The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
