Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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