i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
