My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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