my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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