i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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