dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
