before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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