He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
