ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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