i would punch a child for taco bell
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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