a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
