So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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