And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
