I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What drink are we having for lunch?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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