i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
