At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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