imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize