My sheets look like a crime scene.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
