We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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