I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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