Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So apparently I’m into choking now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
