I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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