A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
