Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
