I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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