Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I understand Curling. That high.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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