Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
