There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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