Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
