Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How's work?
Spinning.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize