just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
