the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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