It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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