it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
