so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
