I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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