I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
