from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
PANTIES FOUND
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
