i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
