Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Of course I have a pirate flag
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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