Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
