Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you traded sex for a burrito?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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