don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
