i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And then he peed in my hair
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
