I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
