It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
