There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
