Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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