that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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